Fashion Time

Bohemian-Bourgeois (bobos)

Read it first on LookBook- from French contributor (Adeline Rapon http://lookbook.nu/interview/12-Adeline-Rapon)

LookBook- you’re too cool for me

I love the site http://lookbook.nu/ 

I can’t tell you how much time I waste at this site.  Well, that’s a lie.  Of course I can tell you, but I won’t because it will cast an unfavorable light on me.

At http://lookbook.nu/ they have photo after photo of hip, mod peeps striking a pose and giving good face. Another favorite place for me is at their forum page http://forum.lookbook.nu/.  When you have topics like:

Where do you wear your high heels?   -or

Shredded Tee-or

Guilty Pleasure  -or

5 obsucure people you should care about…

Seriously, check it out.  Unfortunately you have to be invited to join…that is, to post pics. Looking is open to the public. Does anyone want to invite me?  I can’t apply for admission, because my torment associated with their rejection of me will lead to lots of cookies and cream ice cream.

Know your fee, hooker.

On the train this morning, a gentleman of questionable means, started to chat me up.  Know this, when I’m on the train I do everything in my powers to look unavailable for conversation.  I wear ear buds, even when I’m not listening to anything.  I read a book or magazine. And, I wear sunglasses.  Regrettably, these barriers don’t always hold everyone at a distance. Back to this morning.  I avoided his conversation as  long as possible, until he started in with, “Miss?  Miss?  can you hear me.” What a fucking moron.  I pulled my ear buds out and, while still wearing my sunglasses, said, “What’s wrong with you?”

He started complimenting my hair, and my neck, and my purple shirt.  I’m thinking, get to the fucking point. So, I say, “Thank you. What do you want? Where are you going with this?”  He replied, “Oh, you’re so direct.” 

(I should point out this dude’s appearance was all-in-all pulled together; he was approximately 25, a little bit hipster and a little bit bohemian. I’m not going to lie, I was diggin’ his style.  He was not homeless, but he was definitely trite. If he was homeless I would have said, “thank you” and put my ear buds back in and he would have respected that.)

Anyways, I just repeated myself, “Where are you going with this?” And then he started telling me about his photography studio (room at his mom’s) and this new “photography study” he’s “embarking upon” that tries to place two “juxtapositions” next to each other.  I know, he didn’t even use the word correctly.  Maybe this line stuns and appeals to his other “subjects”, but I could care less about his new study.  I told you he was trite.  Long story short, he asked me to be one of his “subjects.” And I asked him, “How much are you paying your subjects?”

(A girl must always know her fee and never be flattered out of money.  That would be fucking ridiculous and an insult to all the hardworking hookers that came before us. )

Of course, he started in with his rhetoric about art and expanding people’s minds and how I would be part of this great experiment. Alas, he and I will never be.  The only experiments I do to expand my mind are drug experiments, and I expect the same from others.  I told him, with a smile, ”Your study sounds interesting and your intentions harmless, but I’m not in the mood to negotiate my fee. This is my stop. Good luck with your study.”

Maybe I missed out on a opportunity.  But, I think not.  Maybe I’ll see him again.  Maybe we’ll be friends.

Ru is my new boo

RuPaul is an effervescent, sparkling beverage being pored over your naked body.  Stimulating.  Did I go too far?  Read for yourself.

From his blog archives, circa 2002…www.rupaul.com/news 

——–

MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2002:

1) sordid lives
2) monsoon wedding
3) swept away

MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS OF 2002:

1) judge judy
2) golden girls
3) american idol

MY FAVORITE AUTHOR OF 2002:

david sedaris….naked
——–

I would curtsy in his fucking presence.

E-mail from my dad!

When my dad writes me love notes he usually steals from his favorite songs.  Every birthday card, every Christmas card, even phone calls, he’ll pull a stanza or two from a song.

His favorite act to pull from is Barry Manilow.  His second is John Denver.  Third is Elton.  I would totally reverse the order, for myself.  But, then I’ve heard enough Barry to last me a few more years.  I would probably swap out Barry with Queen. 

Sometimes its a bit cryptic and I have to work to try and figure out who he’s sampling from. Once, for my birthday (probably 20th or so) he wrote in my b-day card…

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive
We keep the feelings warm

These lyrics are from Barry’s hit, “I made it through the rain” Out of all the many options he could have chosen from this song he chose the above stanza.  The most obvious option would have been the chorus lyrics,

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain

But no, dad chose the opening stanza.  It makes sense to those who know him.  He’s always thought of himself as a dreamer.  But the last line about keeping our feelings warm…whatevs.

I can’t figure out where he pulled today’s note from.   He wrote,

Yell at the top of your voice from the most highest, I Love You.  If you have time to day think of me.                              Love you most    Dad

Maybe this is an original. Probably not.  Peace out hookers,

-Sweet

Here are two pics of Barry…the first is how I like to remember him, young and pre-surgery.  The second is, I hope, a pic of him smoking a joint.

 

Globtrotters vs grandaughter…my g-ma chooses Globetrotters

My dad is blowing me off to hang with my g-ma…his mom. No big.  But, I haven’t seen my g-ma in about 17 years!  Usually I don’t even know when she’s in town.

My dad is taking my g-ma and her husband to the Harlem Globetrotter concert- his words.  He was quick to say that he couldn’t afford to take me to the concert, but wanted to give me the courtesy of a call to break our dinner plans, scheduled for the same time as the concert.  Well, the Globetrotters are playing right next door to where I work and about 10 miles from where I live.  I asked if she would want to grab dinner before the concert so we could see each other and that’s when my dad sighed.  He told me to not get my hopes up. She was only coming in to town to see the Globetrotters, but he’ll run it by her.

I’m not going to get my hopes up.  I’m not going to take it personally.  And, I’m certainly not going to be upset.

I will drink.

Piss off Globetrotters.

To bathe or to shower- this is what I wonder about

On my day off from work, I decided to go through my shit and prepare for a yard sale.  hen I cleaned my house a little. And finally, I took a bath. My friend Ms. A swears by her baths and it’s this loyalty that first prompted me to revisit the bath as a serious means of cleaning myself. Today’s bath was my second since I was five.  I took a bath last Sunday, which was my first since I was five.  I loved it.  I mean, I loved baths when I was five. I’d spend days in the bath, but I had toys to keep me company. I found out that a grownup bath is just as fun. But, there’s more reasons to bathe over shower.

While soaking in my steamy bath I decided the best way to describe why a bath is better than a shower is to reduce the argument down to one simple reason.  Cleanliness.  We use showers and baths to clean ourselves, so determining which is best, ask yourself, “Which method cleans you best?”  The answer is a bath.  Why?  Let me explain by comparing people to an intricate bundt pan.

Let us say that you have a dirty bundt pan (and if you do, it’s none of my business- it can happen to anyone). It comes time to clean your budnt pan.  Are you going to shower it with steaming water and scrub and scrub until every crevice is clean.  If you’re smart, you would draw a sinkfulof steamy water, add some soap and let that pan soak for a bit.  You’d come back to find the water and soap have done the work for you and done a better job.  And because it passively soaked, you could do something else while it cleaned itself and you don’t have to worry about scratching your bundt.

Seven reasons to chill out and soak in a bath:

1. you’ll be clean everywhere, and cleaner everywhere
2. bubbles are cool- always have been
3. you can read while you soak
4. your legs will be softer when you shave them in a bath of warm sudsy water
5. you might use less water (depends on how quickly you shower)
6. your skin will feel fab and smell great
7. if someone walks in on you, you’ll look sexier in a bubble bath shaving you legs, than wobbling in a shower (it’s all about looking sexy)

If your concern with the bath vs. shower dilemma is water usage rather than cleanliness, then test yourself.  Take a shower, do all the things you would normally do (shave your legs, let your conditioner sit for 3 minutes, wash your face, etc…), but engage the plug in your tub.  If when you’re shower is complete the water is higher than a half way up the tub…you will likely save water with a bath.

I still shower to wash my hair, but that doesn’t take more than 3 minutes.

I love having days off during the work week. 

The next time you’re do for a cleaning, ask yourself, “how clean do I want my bundt?”

Peace out hookers!!!!

Things I’m avioding…from now until eternity (because at that point I won’t care)

• puddles
• high fructose corn syrup
• bullies
• sugar
• “enriched” foods
• the Gap (too generic)
• gyms- not my style and I realize that now
• boring books- of course I’ll start a few, but I know when they’re boring.  I won’t put myself through reading an entire boring book.  That’s stupid. The only time you do that is when you’re being tested on that shit.
• trans fats and hydrogenated ones too
• oh, of course saturated fats
• putting things off
• bad spirits
• bad harmony
• bad intentions
• people who don’t take my feelings seriously
• people who can’t laugh at themselves (and people who don’t laugh at me.  I’m fucking hilarious!)
• doughnuts- its really a slippery slope.  I’ll eat them, but only if I make them at home
• staying in bed all day when I’m healthy and able bodied.  Again, another slippery slope.  Even if I just move to the couch, I will move my body out of bed every day.
• fast food that’s marketing as a _____ bowl (burrito bowl, mashed potato bowl, chicken and mashed potato bowl)  Yuck, this shit is gross. But, it taste so good. No, it’s gross, It’s gross, it’s gross, it’s gross. 
• elastic waist band britches in public- that elastic waist is a slippery slope towards hippo waist size
• velvet shirts- lame, just don’t do it

It’s really beautiful outside today and I plan on enjoying.  I’ve just finished my tomato soup and I’ll take my dog Big Chuck out for a walk.  That should give the crane and boom hoist enough time to arrive.  I’ll need those for my bike ride.  Because I haven’t hoisted this lard tubby self onto a bike in a while and I’ll need professional assistance. I hate being fat.  Good news is that after a week of eating reasonable and walking 1 mile a day….I’ve lost a pound.  A whole pound.  Who knew eating less and exercising more would cause wight loss?

One down and 400 more to go!

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

My mom sent an e-mail about family Christmas plans.  She not only sent this e-mai to my sister and me, she sent it to my step-sisters. I know what my reaction was (it included a lot of eye rolling and “what the fucks”) and I can only imagine what my step-sisters are thinking.

What’s going through my mom’s head…don’t get me wrong I like the idea of a cheap Christmas.  This is not a new concept to my family.  My mom has called them a spiritual Christmas in the past. One year she said we had to bring something homemade.  That year I knit everyone a coin purse with their initial.  Super cool gift if you ask me. Another year we were to choose a Christmas carol.  If you’re wondering if this makes for a boring Christmas, you’re right.  Enough delay. Here’s my mom’s e-mail this year.

Her e-mai is in bold and my remarks are in parentheses.

Here’s a couple of  thoughts thrown out for your feedback.  (she’s being passive aggresive.  She’s going to critisize our “feedback” and then go ahead with her plans.  Best bet, is to not give feedback and get drunk on the day of. Any “feedback” will be taken as a challenge to the spirit of Jesus and his birthday celebration.)

 

I know money is tight for everyone this year so I was thinking of ways to save on our presents.  What are your thoughts on a re-gifted Christmas? (my thoughts- don’t do it, the stingy hookers in my family will give me their tired shit.  It won’t be re-gifted it will be old and tired.) No one spends any money on presents. You can look to what you have on hand and see what might make a nice re-gifted present. (I would rather people make something or sing shitty carols)  The only rule is that you can’t spend any money. I’ll bet we all have stuff around that is great stuff but not something you’re using or have ever used. (She’s stressing “never used” ’cause she knows how these hookers do) It would be even better if you have something that was given to you some time back that you are sending back around to the original giver.  If you can’t think of anything, maybe you write up a gift certificate for a day of yard work or painting or planting bulbs in the flower beds with me? (Is she fucking kidding? planting bulbs in the flower bed!?!) Or a day of coffee and cookies at your house?  Or maybe a day on the lake with Mike on the kayaks?  (No one wants to do this shit…is this why its a gift?  I’m surprised she hasn’t said “A coupon promising to go to church with your mother”) Or maybe we just get together and work on a memory book together? (Who is this woman!!! a Fucking memory book.  No fucking way)  Let’s try to add some meaning without so much money.  Wrapping paper can be recycled whatever.  Even the card could be a reused card. Put your brain and your heart to work and not just the purse. (I don’t think my heart has ever worked.)

 

My other thought was drawing names. Eight girls and their guys and then and me and Mike there’s eight gifts would be looking to buy.  What if we put all 10 names in an imaginary hat and we draw names? We set a dollar limit – say $30 max?  (An imaginary hat?  WTF)

 

Put your thinking caps on. (and your feeling caps…remember our hearts are working, too) If you have any other suggestions, throw them out to the group.  Let’s have a fun and meaningful Christmas without putting a financial strain on anyone.

 

Love and hugs! (this is new. She must have been watching back to back Joel Olsteen this weekend. mixed in with a little Quacker Factory on QVC.  click for video–>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-MWQ60YLHE)

My reply to her was an ambiguous…Sounds good to me.  Remember, she’s going to do what she wants.  I gave my step-sisters the heads up and said to just agree now and drink later. 

BTW, I’ll probably go with the memory book option, because she’ll have to provide the pics and crap.  And, I love a good scissor and glue craft.

Loves and hugs, my little thugs.

you’ve seen the spooked cats…now watch the spooked panda

Found this at another blogger’s blog…enjoy, I did.

http://treesflowersbirds.wordpress.com/2008/11/14/dare-you-not-to-laugh-at-this/#comment-1805