Rump Shaker mixed with Barry Manilow

17 06 2009

This song takes me back to freshman year high school.  There was lots of weed, lots of sex, lots of time, but no money and no parents.  In high school I was totally into the grunge scene, but I couldn’t shake R&B.  So my CDs comprised Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Wallflowers, Sonic Youth, STP mixed with PM Dawn, Whitney Houston, Montell Jordan, BabyFace, En Vogue and Janet Jackson.  Mixed into all this was my dad’s record collection, which included John Denver, Temptations, Barry Manilow, Bette Midler, Helen Reddyand random 45s.

Random?  Yes.  But, that’s where I feel most comfortable.

BTW, I’m pretty sure I’m annoying my cube-mate with my random play list.  But, you know what?  She annoys me everyday through no fault of her own, just because I’m a temperamental and manic being. She knows that, she has to.  It’s nothing personal.  Until next time, darlings.





Thank you. You’re welcome. Bend over. Fuck off.

1 05 2009

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am irresistible to men of color and older white men. The Hispanic men love me, the Middle Eastern men love me, and the black  men love me.  Oh, I forgot hippies, they love me too. The older white dudes, like most white men, are hard to read.  Sometimes they stare, hard, from across the way.  Or they peek at me through a magazine or book.  I suppose, they’re being discreet.  Discretion is not at all what the other gentlemen practice. They are blatant and abruptly to their point. Which, in the end,  their point is a compliment, I think.  And, like the lady I am I accept graciously.

Today, such an abrupt moment happened.  I was waiting to board the bus when an older (50-60) black man approached me.  He said, “Thank you.”  Remember I have my ear buds in, so I removed them and replied, “What’s that?”  He repeated, “Thank you.”  I said, “For what?”  My suitor says, “For showing that figure off.”  The only thing to say was, “Thank you.”  Then he started in, it’s like they can’t contain their words.  He told me I was the kind of woman that makes a man cheat.  Again, your welcome and onto the bus I went.

This got me thinking about the other lines I’ve heard in the past. And I know this sort of thing happens to others. You know who you are, my fellow hookers.  Ms. K is a prime example.  We’ve been together and heard some things from dudes that is fucking ridiculous. I guess they think they’re complimenting us, or telling us about their “powers”, I don’t know. Maybe we have friendly faces or maybe its are boobies.  No, it’s our friendly faces.

It’s been explained to me that men who are into me, are men who have had many women. You see, because they have so much experience they know what they want in a women, physically and sexually, that is.  Again, I think these are compliments. At lease that’s how I’m going to take them. I  have a feeling that when they think them in their head, they just don’t realize what it will sound like when it comes out. Or maybe these lines have worked on chicks before.

It all goes back to “getting in my pants” something my dad warned me about when I was ten.  (I had all my “coming of age” talks early because I’m the youngest.  My sister is three years older than I, and my parents were really overworked and tired.  So killing two birds with one stone, or ruining two adolescents with one talk was preferred.)

not a hero, but she has my shirt onOkay, so maybe I dress like a slut.  Or have a face like a slut.  I’ve been told on three occasions, by three different men, well one teenager and two men, that I have “dick sucking lips.”  Okay, now that I’m writing this, I must look like a slut for guys to talk to me like that.  Maybe it’s the pumps, maybe it’s the tight skirts or the red lips.  Or maybe it’s the shirt that reads “I’m a slut and open for business.”  In any case, I’m in good company and I’d rather be a slut than a bore.

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’ll continue to put some bass in my walk.  Some of my heroes and fellow sluts…

blanche

eltongoggles

cinderella-pose

oprah

madonnaroselandgi4

 

queen-mum

rupaul-ho

julia-child-with-rolling-pins

 

259328cher-posters

koko-and-mr-rogers

In case you didn't know, this is Koko- the sign language gorilla- with Mr. Rogers. Both are my heroes.

wizarddorothy2

richard-simmons





Cut a Bitch

29 04 2009

This phrase has become common place.  It was the title of Kathy Griffin’s new Bravo special…Kathy Griffin: She’ll Cut a Bitch.

But I remember first hearing it from a co-worker. Her name, not important.  It’s nothing fantastically tragic, like Twila, Starlight, or Shenandoah, or Shaniqwa.  The notable information is that she regularly says the phrase, “I’ll cut a bitch.”  This morning she was telling me one such story, in which, cut bitch is used.

Picture it, her elderly mother needs constant care and since my co-worker has to leave for work, a family friend has moved in to care for mommy dearest.  I asked how the friend was working out, did mom like her, did she like her.  And my co-workers reply, “Oh, it don’t matta’ if I like her, or if my mother likes her.  She knows if she cross me, I’ll cut that bitch.  Nobody messes with my mama.”

My reply, “Fair enough.” 

I can relate.  Only a couple hours into my work day and I’m ready to cut a bitch.  A big one.  With bad morning breath that has the slightest hint of banana.  It’s fucking disgusting. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve encountered such a disgusting being.

bananas





Bea, I love you.

27 04 2009

If, in 50 years, some young person ask me where I was the day Bea Arthur died I would say, at GayBingo with my cross dressing dad.  It was kind of fitting.  As the news came in through text messages, the Queens honored Bea and lifted our spirits with song and dance. 

I was looking for things to commemorate the moment and found a Golden Girl necklace from etsy.com. Sad news hookers, the necklace sold out. 

gg-necklace

Other GG paraphernalia include GG playing cards, GG lapel pins, and GG pendants. All at www.etsy.com.

Here’s a clip of our friend, doing a parody of Sex in the City.  She’s with other lovely ladies… Mona from Who’s The Boss, Sally Struthers and Mrs. Garrett.





Ru is my new boo

1 04 2009

RuPaul is an effervescent, sparkling beverage being pored over your naked body.  Stimulating.  Did I go too far?  Read for yourself.

From his blog archives, circa 2002…www.rupaul.com/news 

——–

MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2002:

1) sordid lives
2) monsoon wedding
3) swept away

MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS OF 2002:

1) judge judy
2) golden girls
3) american idol

MY FAVORITE AUTHOR OF 2002:

david sedaris….naked
——–

I would curtsy in his fucking presence.





It has happened. I’m back to tacos and kittens.

1 04 2009

And that’s not a vague or lame expression elevating a hand job into a poetic  slang substitution.

What this means, is that I’m back to killing time with kitty videos and junk food. I plan to only stay in this depressing, unhealthy, grotesque, embarrassing, fulfilling, stirring, thrilling, stimulating stack of a perfect pair.  Think peanut butter and chocolate, think the smell of bleach in a bathroom, cheese and grits (;-) to Ms. A), biscuits and gravy, scissors and glue…classic duos that dare not separate. 

Mr. D is out getting some tacos and fries (another grand pair) from Jack in the Box!!!!  Fuck yeah!  God and Jesus, I love those little paper bags.  Paper bags are the perfect wrapping for fast food. It’s seriously perfect.  All this dirty food talk, makes my world go ’round.

 

 

 

line-of-taco

While satisfying the first half of this high, I’ll watch this video http://www.rathergood.com/kitten_war My favorite line is “The agony of a kitten that’s lost its whiskers.”

Yummy. Tacos and Kittens, but never kitten tacos.





So close, yet so far way

26 03 2009

Ru is in Austin. So close…
http://www.rupaul.com/news/





Don’t be Jealous of My Boogie

26 03 2009

This is what I’m listening to and watching today.  DWI (deal with it)

 

http://wow.wowtv.tv/episodes/rupaul-jealous-of-my-boogie

 

I’m totally into RuPaul and the drag world. I’m thinking I need to infiltrate this world, get in, get dirty, and become these hookers bitch. Think of all the things I’ll learn.

I’ve already started to pick up the lingo. You know, like “That slut is giving me shade.” and “This sno-cone makes my world go ’round.”

Oh, rainbows and unicorns.

These Queens make my world go ’round. Maybe this is how me and dad will connect. If fact, I think I’m going to plan a weekend around a drag show. He needs a Queen mentor, he’s flailing in the proverbial straight wind. He’s left to his own demise.  He has no help, no make-up tips, no witty one-liners. He needs some guidance.

Get ready to be jealous of my boogie.

js24n_priscilla_wideweb__470x2920





Who came first the Cat Dancers or Siegfried and Roy

6 03 2009

cat_dancers_detail

Answer: Cat Dancers.

If you’re into big cats and muscled man thighs I suggests you check out the documentary “Cat Dancers”.  They were way cooler and way more magical.  Plus, there is a tragic twist to their story, yes that’s right.  If you think Roy’s incident was tragic you have no idea.  What happened to Ron Holiday and lovers was truly tragic.  I used the above pick to capture all involved in the tragedy. 

I wish all my love to Ron.  I hope he’s moved to Burma to live in the mountains with his lions and tigers and monks.  I wish he would start selling his old Cat Dancer T-shirts.  This is another weekend project for me.  So far I have:

  • make feather headbands/ hair clips/ ear rings
  • Catch up on RuPaul’s Drag Race
  • Find Cat Dancer t-shirt online

Ron has a MySpace, check it: www.myspace.com/catdancers  and you might as well watch the trailer.

And don’t forget to catch Sigfried and Roy tonight on 20/20.

siegfried_roy_tiger_1_r_0





Is anybody else watching this?

5 03 2009

rupaul-logo

I am and I’d like to know who to discuss this show with.  I’m sure my sister is catching every episode.  I think I’ve missed a few, so that will be a weekend project for me.  The skinny on this show…It’s a Top Model for drag queens.  And, appropriately, RuPaul is the host.

 

Some of my favorites are Bebe Zahara Benet (with the top hat) and Ongina (with the orange traffic cone).  Last week they battled for their life, the two of them were up for elimination.  They had to lip sync for their life, and they did.  Their song was “Stronger” by Brit Brit and Bebe sang and danced her weave off, literally.  Ongina was told to sashe off the stage.  Translation, she lost.

ongina_150x200bebe_2_150x200