And that’s not a vague or lame expression elevating a hand job into a poetic slang substitution.
What this means, is that I’m back to killing time with kitty videos and junk food. I plan to only stay in this depressing, unhealthy, grotesque, embarrassing, fulfilling, stirring, thrilling, stimulating stack of a perfect pair. Think peanut butter and chocolate, think the smell of bleach in a bathroom, cheese and grits (;-) to Ms. A), biscuits and gravy, scissors and glue…classic duos that dare not separate.
Mr. D is out getting some tacos and fries (another grand pair) from Jack in the Box!!!! Fuck yeah! God and Jesus, I love those little paper bags. Paper bags are the perfect wrapping for fast food. It’s seriously perfect. All this dirty food talk, makes my world go ’round.
While satisfying the first half of this high, I’ll watch this video http://www.rathergood.com/kitten_war My favorite line is “The agony of a kitten that’s lost its whiskers.”
I’m totally into RuPaul and the drag world. I’m thinking I need to infiltrate this world, get in, get dirty, and become these hookers bitch. Think of all the things I’ll learn.
I’ve already started to pick up the lingo. You know, like “That slut is giving me shade.” and “This sno-cone makes my world go ’round.”
Oh, rainbows and unicorns.
These Queens make my world go ’round. Maybe this is how me and dad will connect. If fact, I think I’m going to plan a weekend around a drag show. He needs a Queen mentor, he’s flailing in the proverbial straight wind. He’s left to his own demise. He has no help, no make-up tips, no witty one-liners. He needs some guidance.
I don’t know why, but I am. Okay, I do know why. But I don’t know why I’ve chosen to focus on all these things today. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s because I’m hungry, maybe it’s because my bi-polar is rearing it’s head again. Either way this is what the professionals call my depressive state. It will likely clear up (like my adult pimples) in a few days. Or if I need to clear it up sooner (like my adult pimples) I can use medication. The problem for those around me is that I like my ups and downs. I like to stay there and revel (or wallow as my mom says) in my missery/anger/bitterness and visa versa my joy/content/gitty. I’ll even medicate to stay in these place longer.
So this time, I’m bitter. Like I said, nothing particular happened to put me in a bitter mind set. But, for me, it doesn’t take something particular or recent to trigger my mood change. In fact, it’s sometimes as simple as a song, a smell, a conversation or worse, nothing at all. I’m bitter.
This is a comfortable place for me. Anger on the other hand is not. But bitter, lonely, happy, silly, spontaneous, these are all my favorites. I’ve probably been bitter since I was about seven. Yes, seven years old. This puts me in 1st grade and that’s when I started misbehaven. I spent a lot of time in the principle’s office getting “paddled” for my indescretions. Which, at seven included throwing rocks, pushing people, spitting, running away from my teachers and talking back. A lot has changed since seven. I don’t throw rocks at people, push people or spit. I still run away from teachers and other authority figures and I can’t help but talk back.
Back to my friend, “Bitter”. My first bitter feelings were towards myself, then my parents, then God, and then the principle of my elementary school…I could go on, but I want to talk about my current bitterness. Today I’m bitter towards my job, my fatness, my family, the family I don’t have…But like I said, I like to revel in my bitter.
To suspend these feeling and maintain my state of mind, I listen to bitter jams while indulging in…let’s call them vitamins. Some of my fav jams:
“Me Myself I” Joan Armatrading
“What I Got” Sublime
“Private Dancer” Tina Turner
“Wake up Alone” Amy Winehouse
“Those Three Days” by Lucinda Williams- if you want to listen, I found a video. It starts out with a huge weirdo reciting a poem, but hang in there, after about 20 seconds the song begins.
Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and The Shondrells
“Beast of Burden” The Rolling Stones
And a smattering of sounds from Soundgarden, Bush, some Oasis and some Counting Crows.
p.s. for my gals in honor of our game “How would it be”, Earthworm would have this song playing in the background. He would be hind you, with his arm around your waist and he would whisper the “yes” that follows “is it alright” No surprise I found this sound on the soundtrack of The L Word. You’ll love the cheesey slide show. That might be playing on a large wall during dinner. The song is “Alright” by Kinnie Star.
I am and I’d like to know who to discuss this show with. I’m sure my sister is catching every episode. I think I’ve missed a few, so that will be a weekend project for me. The skinny on this show…It’s a Top Model for drag queens. And, appropriately, RuPaul is the host.
Some of my favorites are Bebe Zahara Benet (with the top hat) and Ongina (with the orange traffic cone). Last week they battled for their life, the two of them were up for elimination. They had to lip sync for their life, and they did. Their song was “Stronger” by Brit Brit and Bebe sang and danced her weave off, literally. Ongina was told to sashe off the stage. Translation, she lost.
After my yard sale, I’ll have lots of room for new crap. And where better to get new (probably old) crap…
Here’s some things I’m searching for on ebay…First, let me say, I refuse to start collecting things. That saying, by definition, collecting anything is silly. As if one of something (that you’ll just look at or bore other people with) is just not enough. When I was little I remember collecting cow figurines. It was gross and super embarrassing. But I did it. “Collecting” also reminds me of my days in the animal biz (no it wasn’t the time I was in a circus act involving “Big Cats”) we would talk about people “collecting” animals. People would go to animal shelters to collect/rescue animals. I think people who collect beanie babies, cow figurines, pillow cases, apple crap, mouse figures…just might be rescuing those little chatskis (sp?). From what? From the fucking trash.
Now, let’s get on with that list…
Things I’m searching for on ebay. Not to collect, but to use/wear.
vintage fabrics
cookie cutters (letter cut-outs)
recipe boxes
owl bric-a-brac
aprons
bangles
Bakelite jewelry
nose bookend (I have one, and I’m looking for it’s mate)
looney toon T’s
Dirty Harry T-shirt (I used to have one, but I grew out of it)
I’m going to get back to Wheel of Fortune. If you’re looking for something fascinating to watch tomorrow check out HBO at 7PM. They are premiering the documentary “The Trials of Ted Haggard”- remember him. He was the high profile Evangelical preacher accused (and later admitting) to sex with a male prostitute and meth use. Then his church exiled him and this is the story of him starting over. I was watching him on Oprah, and I will definitely tune in. Pat Sajack made me think of him…they kind of look like each other.
Be sure to check back, my next post will be G-R-E-A-T! I found a love poem from my highschool boyfriend. He was an asshole and I was in love. So pathetic.
I’m always looking for new ways to creep people out while on the bus. I usually can’t even compete with the true weirdos that join me on my way to work, but I try. Today, I found a new way to creep.
It started like any other morning bus ride. I stepped on to a mildly busy bus and took the first empty seat (I, of course, like to spread out). I sat behind this cool kid who rides the morning bus with me. He had on guy liner, a black hoodie and a black and white checked scarf. Here’s what I know about him: he wears mostly black, he’s not gay (but “gets that all the time”), he paints his fingernails, he works part time, and goes to beauty school full-time.
The ride was uneventful. But when this dude stood up to walk out I saw a little head peaking out of his dancewear duffle bag. It had blonde hair and made me want to start carry one with me. Because dude is in beauty school, it was obviioulsy one of those training heads. I see these things at the thrift stores every once-in-a-while.
I don’t know why he had it hidden in his bag. That sort of thing will certainly keep strangers away. Well, now that I think about it, maybe its better to keep your heads in your duffel bag.
p.s. I finally dropped my e-diets. What a waste of money. If I ever spend money on a diet product again, it will be on fat camp. I would love to go to fat camp- it would have to be intense and last at least three months.
I googled “skinny bitches tips”…I don’t want to buy the book. Anyways…it only returned stupid shit like,
1. Cut down on your alcohol intake.
2. Cut down on your fast food intake.
3. Exercise regularly.
I’m not doing this shit. I want to starve, take pills, or do stupid stretch/breathing techniques like the hooker below (p.s. I’m starting this shit tonight!). I need help with the correct way to starve, not proper eating habits.
HELP.
Some of my ideas include eating grass (organic, of course), decoupaging my refrigerator with skinny bitches in bikinis, or having a strict cigarette and soda diet.
I’m going to go back to eating my oatmeal while I ponder my weekend of gluttony. (which, includes the consumption of half a buttermilk pie)
I’m in the process of changing the format of my Dig Itpage. Since I really dig TV programming, I’m going to add a “what I’m watching”section. Often times I’m stopped on the street by fans of all makes and models, who beg me to share with them and the masses my TV preferences and watching schedule. Because I’m a blogger of the people, I’ll oblige.
Another section will be a beauty and style section. Not only because I’m beautiful and stylish (everyone knows I am) but because I have a healthy addition to cosmetics and beauty products. I say healthy because I know these won’t make me beautiful (remember, I’m already beautiful) or because I need these to feel good about myself (that’s why I self medicate) but because these are a fun and cheesy distraction.
Combining these two loves, watching TV while experimenting with cosmetics, is a typical “me time” activity. I’ll also have the music blaring and bust some moves. If you wonder how someone can watch TV, listen to Music, play with make-up, and bust their moves all at the same time…than you don’t have ADD. If that line-up of activities sounds like a Monday night, than you probably have ADD or you’re a teenager.
I’m going to put my lips on and get to work. From your favorite blogger of the people and cosmetic connoisseur, Happy Veterans Day!
Another famous sister with costmetic addition- we're like BFFs.
