Charlie on a sub.

Need I say more.  Here’s another pic of Chuck, we were spooning and watching Sesame Street on Thanksgiving morning.

Here’s some other pics from our morning walk.

Would this taste delicious?

Banana and Bacon sandwich.

The bacon crisp. The banana barely ripe.

Slice the banana, 1/4 inch thick, and saute in a little butter.

Once heated through, layer the banana on a piece of buttered bread and lay the bacon over the bananas. Slide another piece of buttered bread on top and panfry until bread is golden and slightly toasted.

Sad

I was writing out a Christmas card for my g’ma and after filling out her address I started to write her name on the envelope.  But I couldn’t make the pen move. I couldn’t write her full name.

The problem is I don’t know my g’ma’s full name. I don’t. I do not know her last name. I remember two surnames she has had in the past, but I can’t recall this new one. I don’t remember the new guy’s first name, either. Hmmmm.

I just wrote my note inside her card and since we don’t really know each other, it was awkward and shallow.  But, I tried to jazz it up as much as I could and kept my audience in mind. My g’ma in old, really old.  She’s a farmer’s daughter from Texas with big hair and country sensibilities. My note is on the inside flap of a Snoopy Christmas Card. Behold, my note.

Grandma,

I sure do miss you. I miss everyone is Texas, it will always be home to me. Forever. It’s really beautiful in Philadelphia and the people are friendly, enough. No place will ever have people as friendly as the people in Texas. Take care and I love y’all.

Yours ever,

Sweet

p.s. Whatever, Martha! is hilarious.  I will officially begin referring to my new friends Alexis and Jennifer (always paired) and recounting our many adventures throughout the day. We’ll probably have a three-way one night, but just for the hell of it. They’re making cootie-catchers right now!  I so want to be at that party. (if you don’t know what a cootie catcher is…here’s your link to make one, http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Cootie-Catcher.)

What this bag of bones has learned today.

Yes, you read correctly. It’s 9:30AM in my wonderland and I’ve already been put in my place. How have I gone my entire life not knowing there’s a difference between phase and faze? I didn’t think faze was a word. But it is and it’s not some new, hip urban slang that all the rappers are using on MTV. It’s a bona fide word, with a very different meaning than phase. I bet most of you smart chicas knew that.

“The group’s comments are prosaic and we are not fazed.”

BTW, I had to look up prosaic, as well.

When will the learning stop? My head hurts.

Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves

This weekend, Chuck and I went for long stroll.  We stopped for a spell in a little park.  As it turned out the park was/is a Viet Nam memorial.  There we were; I was sitting on a stone ledge reading and Chuck was laying about. We were your average J Crew image. Not exactly. We’re a little loose around the edges.  But you know that.

Chuck–>

After a bit, we picked up our bodies and started to wander around the park and head back home.  Chuck needed to use the loo and in turn I needed to clean up his loo.  While I was picking up the package I was startled by a shriek.  Deep inside I thought Charlie must be eating someone. To my relief he was digging a whole.  He’s always been a digger, no big.  It’s just dirt.

But,  this time was different.  This time was a big deal.  That shriek came from a lady in the park with us.  She was “mortified” at what Charlie had done. She was near hysterical and I was near bored. I was laughing and trying to calm her down. I thought she was scared of Charlie, since he looks like a wolf, he gets fear as a reaction but can usually calm people down with his kooky ears.

Not this time.  I finally deduced that she was pissed that Charlie had dug a whole. She went on and on about how he was defacing a federal monument and how she wanted my name and phone number. Stranger Danger!!!!

I don’t think so.  I’m not giving this crazy bitch my info. As we were walking away she yelled, “Gypsies!!! Stay away….mumble mumble.”

Bottom line. This Gypsy and her wolf will visit the Memorial whenever we want. Suck it.

BTW

On a good day I have trouble understanding my boss due to the accent.  But now, the boss has taken to throwing in French words.  Tomorrow I’ll clear up what may be a misunderstanding. Maybe the boss thinks I know French.

More likely the boss is showing off and successfully putting me in my place.  Whatever place that is.  I already know the boss test me with regard to grammar. That’s right.  The boss plants grammar mistakes in drafts for me to find and correct.

That’s why I’m reading grammar books.

Es o si que es.  (that’s not French, but the best I can do)

A Few of our favorite things

All in one show.

Jane Lynch

Paul Rudd (producer + guest spots)

Fred Savage, yes from Wonder Years (director)

Megan Mullally

Maybe Rob Thomas (producer)

We’re in replays now with the Season 2 starting in April.

Conversations with Dad. You remember Dad.

Background: Viola is Dad’s mother. He calls her by first name.

Dad: We’re ging to Viola’s this weekend for a spaghetti dinner. Of course, I’ll be eating a salad, but I’m the only one that’s watching her waistline.

——–

Dad: Benjamin Franklin and Dolly Parton are two really cool people.

Journal Time

I’ve noticed that most of my journal entries are more like lists rather than narratives.  Blame it on the booze, the drugs, the milk and cookies, or the genes, it is was it is.  Here are a few such entries for your judgment and ridicule, which usually involves laughter and euphoric feelings.

Music stuff, don’t forget

“In My Secret Life”
Not sure of artist, from L Word

Needfire
Dolly Parton, “I will Always Love”

Fresh Air Podcast

Oasis

Jesse Marshon from Montreal writes under name JBM. “Cleo’s sung.” Album Not Even in July.

Bishop Allen “The Ancient Common Sense of Things.”

Ginsberg “Melody” album is history of Melody Nelson. He’s a perv and there is some video of him on YouTube. Song is French

Ace of Base, “I Saw the Sign”

 

Words to Know

Caduceus (a cardboard caduceus from Germany)   —Side note: This sentence doesn’t help me at all.  Why didn’t I write the definition?  For the record, I do not know this word.

Temerity

Stunning        —Side note: Word like this, words that are commonly circulated, I like to look these up in different dictionaries. It can often be stunning what history and influence they can be hiding.

Extremely

Slog

 

What?

Foot worship party.

Riding Boots.

Need new bras; nude and black.

Never cared for lingerie. Prefer naked.

Dan Savage.

Need smart satchel or hobo, leather and kiss clasp would be best.

Rain hat.

Rain boots.

Digitaldesire.com

I feel that if I wore a burka people wouldn’t ask me to make copies for them.

“Gum in My Hair”, title for my book.

40-year-old fags.   — Side note: If you’re offended by my usage of “fag” get over it. Our favorite sex advice columnist and all around good guy, Dan Savage, endorses the casual use of fag.  Similar to how ladies will refer to themselves as sluts or cunts and African-Americans use…yeah, nope, I can’t do this one, but y’all know what I mean.

Boy George, yummy. More about the novel that inspired the play.

Maybe I would have taken better care…

If I had known that “showgirl” was a career option I would have taken better care of myself.  I’m not quite 30, but I’m close and in those nearly 30 years I have been brutal to my body.  There’s been drugs, cheetos and lots of sitting with concurrent cheeto and drug consumption.  And it’s been this lifestyle that has prevented me from becoming a showgirl.  I have the moves. I have the hair.  My tits are too big, but that’s manageable.

I think, now, the best I could hope for is to be the “Mama”  at  a strip club and work my way up to the cunty boss-lady at a class-act Vegas show. Someday.  A girl can dream.  But, until that moment I’m going to enjoy a magnificent discovery.  That magnificent discovery…yep, just the bunches from Honey Bunches of Oats!  who needs those fucking flakes? Not this cunty boss-lady.  Another bowl, hurry up!

Elizabeth Berkley is amazing. Look at this slut. I’m showing some chest tomorrow.