What we learned today, sluts.

 

• Kung Fo Panda is a philosophical action movie.  And, my favorite Buddha teaching from this moral adventure:

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. 

Blame it on the booze, the pills, or my big bowl of fruity pebbles…but this was pretty touching. And then, we cut to the scene where that big British ninja cat escapes.  I was captivated.  My jaw dropped, fucking captivated for at least ten minutes.  Don’t even get me started on that creepy old turtle that can drop the big British ninja cat with a gentle touch on the chest.  What?

• From Amber Frye (you tube) commentors we learned that some men call women cum dumpsters.  Sweet, isn’t it. We also learned from Amber, that she lies straight to our faces through the computer screen via a month old video on you tube. But, we love her, she’s an M to F trans-something slut, and the best one we know. Enjoy. 

Amber doesn’t allow people to embed her videos, because she’s a professional and shit. So, here’s the you tube link…click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuHPsoprfCk 

 

And, because I’ve learned so much I would like to pass along some knowledge about ,myself. 

Growing up my dad was a clown…I’ve blogged about this before.  He performed at birthday parties, company picnics, and strip club grand openings. His performance included magic tricks.  Yes, my dad was a clown and a magician.  Well every magician/wizard/witch needs a magic word to activate the magic/spell. My dad’s, Hippy the Clown’s, was “peanut butter.”  Since a large portion of my dad’s gig were for Hispanic families, he felt obligated to relate to their culture and therefore tailored his magic word towards their customs.  When my dad clowned at a Hispanic family’s birthday party, his magic word was “frijoles.”

Now, I think I’ll clean my floors, have another bowl of cereal, a mountain dew and read my vampire novel, “Club Dead.”  I love that it’s still daylight!!!

My fans…

I know you’ve missed me.  In your despair, I hope you haven’t committed suicide or slit your parents’ throats in the name of love.  I’ve been sick , don’t worry it wasn’t SARS or swine flu.  Lucky for me, I got a sexy voice out of the deal.  It’s peaking now, with no one around to swoon over it, but maybe it will hold over until tomorrow. I don’t know how to record my voice to share this sexy beast with you, so to tide you over, enjoy this video.  You may remember Amber from earlier post…she taught us how to give a clean blow job.  Does anyone think Amber is really David Lee Roth?  Love you!

Thank you. You’re welcome. Bend over. Fuck off.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am irresistible to men of color and older white men. The Hispanic men love me, the Middle Eastern men love me, and the black  men love me.  Oh, I forgot hippies, they love me too. The older white dudes, like most white men, are hard to read.  Sometimes they stare, hard, from across the way.  Or they peek at me through a magazine or book.  I suppose, they’re being discreet.  Discretion is not at all what the other gentlemen practice. They are blatant and abruptly to their point. Which, in the end,  their point is a compliment, I think.  And, like the lady I am I accept graciously.

Today, such an abrupt moment happened.  I was waiting to board the bus when an older (50-60) black man approached me.  He said, “Thank you.”  Remember I have my ear buds in, so I removed them and replied, “What’s that?”  He repeated, “Thank you.”  I said, “For what?”  My suitor says, “For showing that figure off.”  The only thing to say was, “Thank you.”  Then he started in, it’s like they can’t contain their words.  He told me I was the kind of woman that makes a man cheat.  Again, your welcome and onto the bus I went.

This got me thinking about the other lines I’ve heard in the past. And I know this sort of thing happens to others. You know who you are, my fellow hookers.  Ms. K is a prime example.  We’ve been together and heard some things from dudes that is fucking ridiculous. I guess they think they’re complimenting us, or telling us about their “powers”, I don’t know. Maybe we have friendly faces or maybe its are boobies.  No, it’s our friendly faces.

It’s been explained to me that men who are into me, are men who have had many women. You see, because they have so much experience they know what they want in a women, physically and sexually, that is.  Again, I think these are compliments. At lease that’s how I’m going to take them. I  have a feeling that when they think them in their head, they just don’t realize what it will sound like when it comes out. Or maybe these lines have worked on chicks before.

It all goes back to “getting in my pants” something my dad warned me about when I was ten.  (I had all my “coming of age” talks early because I’m the youngest.  My sister is three years older than I, and my parents were really overworked and tired.  So killing two birds with one stone, or ruining two adolescents with one talk was preferred.)

Okay, so maybe I dress like a slut.  Or have a face like a slut.  I’ve been told on three occasions, by three different men, well one teenager and two men, that I have “dick sucking lips.”  Okay, now that I’m writing this, I must look like a slut for guys to talk to me like that.  Maybe it’s the pumps, maybe it’s the tight skirts or the red lips.  Or maybe it’s the shirt that reads “I’m a slut and open for business.”  In any case, I’m in good company and I’d rather be a slut than a bore.

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’ll continue to put some bass in my walk.  Some of my heroes and fellow sluts…

 

 

In case you didn't know, this is Koko- the sign language gorilla- with Mr. Rogers. Both are my heroes.

Season Two! I Love You!

Season Two of RuPaul’s Drag Race is casting…http://www.rupaulsdragracecasting.com/

LookBook- you’re too cool for me

I love the site http://lookbook.nu/ 

I can’t tell you how much time I waste at this site.  Well, that’s a lie.  Of course I can tell you, but I won’t because it will cast an unfavorable light on me.

At http://lookbook.nu/ they have photo after photo of hip, mod peeps striking a pose and giving good face. Another favorite place for me is at their forum page http://forum.lookbook.nu/.  When you have topics like:

Where do you wear your high heels?   -or

Shredded Tee-or

Guilty Pleasure  -or

5 obsucure people you should care about…

Seriously, check it out.  Unfortunately you have to be invited to join…that is, to post pics. Looking is open to the public. Does anyone want to invite me?  I can’t apply for admission, because my torment associated with their rejection of me will lead to lots of cookies and cream ice cream.

Bea, I love you.

If, in 50 years, some young person ask me where I was the day Bea Arthur died I would say, at GayBingo with my cross dressing dad.  It was kind of fitting.  As the news came in through text messages, the Queens honored Bea and lifted our spirits with song and dance. 

I was looking for things to commemorate the moment and found a Golden Girl necklace from etsy.com. Sad news hookers, the necklace sold out. 

Other GG paraphernalia include GG playing cards, GG lapel pins, and GG pendants. All at www.etsy.com.

Here’s a clip of our friend, doing a parody of Sex in the City.  She’s with other lovely ladies… Mona from Who’s The Boss, Sally Struthers and Mrs. Garrett.

Ru is my new boo

RuPaul is an effervescent, sparkling beverage being pored over your naked body.  Stimulating.  Did I go too far?  Read for yourself.

From his blog archives, circa 2002…www.rupaul.com/news 

——–

MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2002:

1) sordid lives
2) monsoon wedding
3) swept away

MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS OF 2002:

1) judge judy
2) golden girls
3) american idol

MY FAVORITE AUTHOR OF 2002:

david sedaris….naked
——–

I would curtsy in his fucking presence.

So close, yet so far way

Ru is in Austin. So close…
http://www.rupaul.com/news/

Don’t be Jealous of My Boogie

This is what I’m listening to and watching today.  DWI (deal with it)

 

http://wow.wowtv.tv/episodes/rupaul-jealous-of-my-boogie

 

I’m totally into RuPaul and the drag world. I’m thinking I need to infiltrate this world, get in, get dirty, and become these hookers bitch. Think of all the things I’ll learn.

I’ve already started to pick up the lingo. You know, like “That slut is giving me shade.” and “This sno-cone makes my world go ’round.”

Oh, rainbows and unicorns.

These Queens make my world go ’round. Maybe this is how me and dad will connect. If fact, I think I’m going to plan a weekend around a drag show. He needs a Queen mentor, he’s flailing in the proverbial straight wind. He’s left to his own demise.  He has no help, no make-up tips, no witty one-liners. He needs some guidance.

Get ready to be jealous of my boogie.

Is anybody else watching this?

I am and I’d like to know who to discuss this show with.  I’m sure my sister is catching every episode.  I think I’ve missed a few, so that will be a weekend project for me.  The skinny on this show…It’s a Top Model for drag queens.  And, appropriately, RuPaul is the host.

 

Some of my favorites are Bebe Zahara Benet (with the top hat) and Ongina (with the orange traffic cone).  Last week they battled for their life, the two of them were up for elimination.  They had to lip sync for their life, and they did.  Their song was “Stronger” by Brit Brit and Bebe sang and danced her weave off, literally.  Ongina was told to sashe off the stage.  Translation, she lost.