1. I like doughnuts that are fresh and warm. I’ll eat a doughnut up to 6 hours old.
2. I do things now that I know I’ll pay for later. i.e. spending money I don’t have, tanning, over eating, and other abusive habits.
3. I look better with a tan.
4. I love macaroni and cheese (any variety, even the classic blue box).
5. I’ll always have a dog, at least one. Despite cleaning up poop and vomit in the middle of the night.
6. Laughing is necessary for happiness. You shouldn’t be afraid to seek out funny things to make you laugh. I routinely make fun of others for a good laugh. But, in the same breath I’ll poke fun at myself every second I can.
7. True crime and detective shows are awesome, addictive and are the quickest way to become cynical.
8. When you have ruined your hair with an at-home color kit, don’t, I repeat DO NOT try to fix the problem yourself. You’ll only make it worse.
9. Reading doesn’t always make you smarter. Chatting is not reading.
10. Do not buy cheap shampoo, cheap panties, or cheap bras.
11. Shaved ice is a miracle of modern science.
12. I hate working out.
13. No matter how much my mother and her generation believed it, I cannot have it all.
14. Did I say I look better with a tan?
15. When people talk bad about other people, they’re just insecure with themselves. Is that what’s wrong with me?
16. My favorite color, for the past 10 years, has been purple. Should I take on another favorite color? am I getting bored with my fav color? I think I’m starting to get into red.
17. When I was younger my dream jobs included locksmith, postman (that’s what we called it back then), astronaut, soccer player, news anchor, president, librarian, but my favorite job was zoo keeper. I took an aptitude test in 7th grade and it indicated I should direct my interest in being a lawyer or doctor. I took that as a sign the test was rigged.
18. The lowest, positive checking account balance I’ve had was $0.05. I see this as a success, because at the end of the day this is a positive balance. I won’t stress anyone out with the my lowest negative balance. It was after all months ago.
19. Small boobs are better for a shoulder shimmy. If you have bigger love drops you must tuck your elbows to your waist.
20. I put on dance music and dance around my house, for the fun of it. Sometimes it starts with a new pair of shoes that need working in. I’ll slip my new heels on and choose an appropriate play list and start the one woman dance party. I’ll also use this opportunity to try out new makeup techniques and color combos. Does anyone else do this?
21. Cereal is a wonder food. I don’t know the details surrounding it’s conception, but I’m glad it’s parents didn’t abort it.
22. Today is a wonderful day. (11/4/2008)
23. You’re at a bad place in life (maybe prison, the lady on FBI Files was in prison) if you’re praying every day that someone finds the body, because this will vindicate you. If you’re praying that they never find the body…then you’re probably in a good place, i.e. not in prison.
24. I can change the wax ring on a toilet (which, by the way involves removing the toilet off the floor), but I can’t change the oil in a car or change a tire. I guess I shouldn’t say “can’t”, I’ve never tried.
25. “What other people think about you is none of your business.” -Rupaul
26. I will never wear half socks. see post from April 15 https://mysweetmusings.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/tragedy-in-a-half-sock-what/
27. If your life is threatened, then run. Don’t hesitate, just run for your fucking life. If you have a chance to kill them, then kill them, don’t hesitate.
28. My breast are the most beautiful breast in the world.
29. If you’re faced with a cuddle party or a swinger party- go for the swinger party. I’ve never been to either- but trust me, people who incorporate cuddling at a party are losers.
30. Ladies, get yourself some Spanx and don’t be afraid to use them.
31. Madonna/Whore: embrace both, have both. But be selective in who sees what. Your mother never needs to see the Whore. She’ll hear about her, and she’ll suspect she’s in there. But she doesn’t need to know your whore.
32. Don’t be afraid to be your “buzzed” self. That is, the person you are when your inhibitions are lowered. Relax.
33. I try to surround myself with people who make me laugh, who I can trust, and who show genuine affection.
34. St. Ives Apricot Facial Scrub. Get it, use it.
35. Velcro rollers make my hair amazing.
36. Wear red lipstick as often as possible. No excuses.