And I want to steal my boss’ toothbrush and brush Charlie’s teeth.
- high fructose corn syrup
- “enriched” foods
- the Gap (too generic)
- gyms- not my style and I realize that now
- boring books- of course I’ll start a few, but I know when they’re boring. I won’t put myself through reading an entire boring book. That’s stupid. The only time you do that is when you’re being tested on that shit.
- trans fats and hydrogenated ones too
- oh, of course saturated fats
- putting things off
- bad spirits
- bad harmony
- bad intentions
- people who don’t take my feelings seriously
- people who can’t laugh at themselves (and people who don’t laugh at me. I’m fucking hilarious!)
- doughnuts- its really a slippery slope. I’ll eat them, but only if I make them at home
- staying in bed all day when I’m healthy and able bodied. Again, another slippery slope. Even if I just move to the couch, I will move my body out of bed every day.
- fast food that’s marketing as a _____ bowl (burrito bowl, mashed potato bowl, chicken and mashed potato bowl) Yuck, this shit is gross. But, it taste so good. No, it’s gross, It’s gross, it’s gross, it’s gross.
- elastic waist band britches in public- that elastic waist is a slippery slope towards hippo waist size
- velvet shirts- lame, just don’t do it
It’s really beautiful outside today and I plan on enjoying. I’ve just finished my tomato soup and I’ll take my dog Big Chuck out for a walk. That should give the crane and boom hoist enough time to arrive. I’ll need those for my bike ride. Because I haven’t hoisted this lard tubby self onto a bike in a while and I’ll need professional assistance. I hate being fat. Good news is that after a week of eating reasonable and walking 1 mile a day….I’ve lost a pound. A whole pound. Who knew eating less and exercising more would cause wight loss?
One down and 400 more to go!
I had a rough night last night, and not in the good way.Around, 3AM my wolf-dog Chuck, woke me up with his whining (it would be cooler if he howled). Well, when I say woke me up, my bf actually got up to take care of Chuck’s needs. So I slipped back into my dreamy slumber. But at 3:30 I was awoken again with Chuck barking. I hopped out of bed and followed the bark. He was outside! I couldn’t believe it, how could my bf have left Chuck outside for 30 minutes in the dark of night. I apologized to Chuck for this disgrace and coaxed him to bed. Off to sleep I go.
Then around 4AM, chirp, chirp. A loud chirp, chirp. Me and the bf jump out of bed. My bf says, “what’s on fire?” I don’t know, its the smoke detector chirping, but not constantly, just the two chirps. Well, you know how disoriented you are when you’re awaken suddenly? I start opening windows and smelling for a fire. Sniffing my way around the house and sticking my nose up against each screen window. My bf goes out on the front porch, in only his underoos, and looks for the fire. After diligently checking for the fire, we confirm it was a false alarm, probably dead batteries and head back to bed.
On our way back, we see that the other bedroom door is open. He ask me, “Did you open this door? I closed it before we went to bed.” Immediately I conclude the only logical explanation. Oh my shit balls, there’s someone in the house. Then I see that the back door is unlocked, and I’m sure that someone’s in the house. I’m getting spooked! So, I grab this propane torch thing my bf uses for fireworks and other hobbies. It’s pretty substantial and my head starts scheming my strategy for attack. He goes into the bedroom to investigate. I inch my way back into the bathroom. The best strategy I conclude is to hide.
The bedroom checks out clear. I whisper, that he needs to check the laundry room, while I check the bathroom. The bathroom checks out clear and I step into the hallway and await his report.
He yells out,! Then again… POW!
I take off out the back door, propane torch in hand.
Once outside, I turn around and see my bf. He was chuckling, I was poised for flight. I did hesitate a little before I ran off, but I totally ran. During this fiasco, our 70lb wolf-dog was sleeping on the bed. Next time, if chuck isn’t worried, I’m not worried.
I’ll see my dad this weekend. It’s been two months. I’m going to ask him about a childhood memory of mine. Some days we would jam out to records, his favs from the 70s. Barry Manilow, Cher, Bette Midler, Liza; you know the standards. One record was from Helen Reddy and featured the song “I am Woman.” Check out my Muxtape to hear this song. We always sang along together. Sometimes he would play this song while he put on his clown make-up. I think he found the song empowering, as did I.
I love you all; have a splendid, shaved-ice weekend!