What a relief. It’s JD!

This is on Dlisted.

Yoohoo Johnny. It’s me. (then a wink)

And in this young man’s pocket would be the following map:


Why does this still happen?

Subject of an e-mail I received this morning:

“slap her silly with your huge schlong”

Do guys really want to slap us with their dicks?  Does this advertising work? It must. Scary.

The body of the e-mail, it’s even worse.  I have to say, it is catchy.

Women say: size matters

According to a recent psychology journal:

86% of babes claim they wouldn’t consider dating a ‘small’ male

94% of sluts say their boyfriend’s girth is critical to reaching pleasure

Why disappoint babes?  Boost your size and enjoy the confidence
to pick up sluts and make them moan between the sheets.

PotenCX is guaranteed to increase your tool by at least 2.7 inches in 21 days. 

I’ll send your initial bottle absolutely free-of-charge as a trial.

p.s. while I was searching for an appropriate pic, I came across a lot of penis pics.  Can we all agree that shaving the balls is not cute.  Who likes this?  I really don’t think girls, aka sluts, like shaved balls. Maybe guys like it, gay and straight, but guys need to shave according to their audience.  Dudes, no more razors near the balls. I’m also going to throw out a hypotheses: Men who shave their balls spend more time with porn than with face-to-face action.

Here’s the look I would give those shaved balls.


I also found these horrible renderings of lady parts.  What’s up with this pacman style pussy?


Can’t we all just stop with the incessant pubic hair removal. Don’t get me wrong, I did the “landing strip”, the “diamond”, the “butterfly”, the “half target”, the “devil’s beard.” It had its place, but enough.  Sure, it can be fun and something to do when you’re bored.  But as maintainance, it’s ridiculous. And, if you’re a porn star or stripper, you must shave. It’s part of your job. 

For the rest of us, let’s try a natural or trimmed pub region and see what happens. Will Jesus condemn us to hell? Perhaps.  Let’s get vintage. Let’s get crazy.

Leave Tiger Alone!

Why can’t we leave Tiger alone. This country is so uptight about marital affairs. If I was wifey, I would be more humiliated from all the apologizing and all the “graceful wife” bullshit than from the actual affairs.

On his website he writes, “Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.”

Tiger strikes me as an upstanding citizen that would never bend his wife over or pull her hair. This isn’t because he’s not into bending women over and pulling their hair. He is. We all are. He wouldn’t do this to graceful wifey because she’s his wife. His Madonna. He/she or both have elevated wifey to levels of untouchable prestige.

Men like the Tiger, (power, money, fame, good looks) have a “Madonna” and a “whore” in there life. In some rare cases they can be the same woman. But most men can’t treat their “Madonna” like they treat their “whore”. They’re socialized that a whore can’t be a Madonna and a Madonna can’t be a whore.

My suggestion to wifey, tell the Tiger to fuck you like the whore you are. It might help. He can spoon you afterwards.

Do you think Elin should treat the Tiger like a whore. Maybe I have the dynamics all wrong. Is it the Tiger that wants to be bent over?

Let’s agree, that whatever should happen, we should LEAVE TIGER ALONE!

In memory, I present “Leave Brittany Alone!”


Rump Shaker mixed with Barry Manilow

This song takes me back to freshman year high school.  There was lots of weed, lots of sex, lots of time, but no money and no parents.  In high school I was totally into the grunge scene, but I couldn’t shake R&B.  So my CDs comprised Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Wallflowers, Sonic Youth, STP mixed with PM Dawn, Whitney Houston, Montell Jordan, BabyFace, En Vogue and Janet Jackson.  Mixed into all this was my dad’s record collection, which included John Denver, Temptations, Barry Manilow, Bette Midler, Helen Reddyand random 45s.

Random?  Yes.  But, that’s where I feel most comfortable.

BTW, I’m pretty sure I’m annoying my cube-mate with my random play list.  But, you know what?  She annoys me everyday through no fault of her own, just because I’m a temperamental and manic being. She knows that, she has to.  It’s nothing personal.  Until next time, darlings.

Thank you. You’re welcome. Bend over. Fuck off.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am irresistible to men of color and older white men. The Hispanic men love me, the Middle Eastern men love me, and the black  men love me.  Oh, I forgot hippies, they love me too. The older white dudes, like most white men, are hard to read.  Sometimes they stare, hard, from across the way.  Or they peek at me through a magazine or book.  I suppose, they’re being discreet.  Discretion is not at all what the other gentlemen practice. They are blatant and abruptly to their point. Which, in the end,  their point is a compliment, I think.  And, like the lady I am I accept graciously.

Today, such an abrupt moment happened.  I was waiting to board the bus when an older (50-60) black man approached me.  He said, “Thank you.”  Remember I have my ear buds in, so I removed them and replied, “What’s that?”  He repeated, “Thank you.”  I said, “For what?”  My suitor says, “For showing that figure off.”  The only thing to say was, “Thank you.”  Then he started in, it’s like they can’t contain their words.  He told me I was the kind of woman that makes a man cheat.  Again, your welcome and onto the bus I went.

This got me thinking about the other lines I’ve heard in the past. And I know this sort of thing happens to others. You know who you are, my fellow hookers.  Ms. K is a prime example.  We’ve been together and heard some things from dudes that is fucking ridiculous. I guess they think they’re complimenting us, or telling us about their “powers”, I don’t know. Maybe we have friendly faces or maybe its are boobies.  No, it’s our friendly faces.

It’s been explained to me that men who are into me, are men who have had many women. You see, because they have so much experience they know what they want in a women, physically and sexually, that is.  Again, I think these are compliments. At lease that’s how I’m going to take them. I  have a feeling that when they think them in their head, they just don’t realize what it will sound like when it comes out. Or maybe these lines have worked on chicks before.

It all goes back to “getting in my pants” something my dad warned me about when I was ten.  (I had all my “coming of age” talks early because I’m the youngest.  My sister is three years older than I, and my parents were really overworked and tired.  So killing two birds with one stone, or ruining two adolescents with one talk was preferred.)

not a hero, but she has my shirt onOkay, so maybe I dress like a slut.  Or have a face like a slut.  I’ve been told on three occasions, by three different men, well one teenager and two men, that I have “dick sucking lips.”  Okay, now that I’m writing this, I must look like a slut for guys to talk to me like that.  Maybe it’s the pumps, maybe it’s the tight skirts or the red lips.  Or maybe it’s the shirt that reads “I’m a slut and open for business.”  In any case, I’m in good company and I’d rather be a slut than a bore.






So, I’ll continue to put some bass in my walk.  Some of my heroes and fellow sluts…













In case you didn't know, this is Koko- the sign language gorilla- with Mr. Rogers. Both are my heroes.