Todd Oldham is Ferosh!!!

toddoldhamI have a crush on the ferocious Todd Oldham.  If I were to need invitations, I’d call him.  If I needed a fresh flowers, I’d call him.  He’s amazing. I love his textiles and graphics.  I love them!  I love him. His website is groovy, too.

And my next craft project is going to be a photo shoot inspired by Mr. Oldham.  Because, btw, I’m a lookbook member, now.  That’s right hookers.

On my fantasy friend list (haven’t officially started one) I would add Todd. And probably Cindy Crawford.  Well, maybe not.  Remember the MTV show with the two of them…his segment was called (I think) Todd Time.  the show was MTV House of Style. The video below is Cindy butching it up and promoting House of Style.  It’s only 30 seconds, watch it.

Another video, this time with Todd and the incomparable Amy Sedaris.  Amy would definitely be in my fantasy friend group. I fucking love her and Bravo or maybe it should be HBO, needs to give this funny, creative hooker her own craft and fun show. In the meantime, enjoy this video of the two of them decoupaging a table.  First they make the table, yikes.  Notice that sweet little Amy is wearing a tool belt.  She’s a kook! 

There’s a photo of Amy on Todd’s website under the photo section…jump to it– and it reminds me of my friend Ms. A (her blog).  Ms. A, I think this could be a glamour shot set, it would incorporate George Michael (her dog).

Todd has other videos, just search for Todd Oldham Hand Made Modern. Also, I’m checking his book out from the library, it’s called…wait for it…wait for it…wait a little longer…Hand Made Modern by Todd Oldham. 

Thank you. You’re welcome. Bend over. Fuck off.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am irresistible to men of color and older white men. The Hispanic men love me, the Middle Eastern men love me, and the black  men love me.  Oh, I forgot hippies, they love me too. The older white dudes, like most white men, are hard to read.  Sometimes they stare, hard, from across the way.  Or they peek at me through a magazine or book.  I suppose, they’re being discreet.  Discretion is not at all what the other gentlemen practice. They are blatant and abruptly to their point. Which, in the end,  their point is a compliment, I think.  And, like the lady I am I accept graciously.

Today, such an abrupt moment happened.  I was waiting to board the bus when an older (50-60) black man approached me.  He said, “Thank you.”  Remember I have my ear buds in, so I removed them and replied, “What’s that?”  He repeated, “Thank you.”  I said, “For what?”  My suitor says, “For showing that figure off.”  The only thing to say was, “Thank you.”  Then he started in, it’s like they can’t contain their words.  He told me I was the kind of woman that makes a man cheat.  Again, your welcome and onto the bus I went.

This got me thinking about the other lines I’ve heard in the past. And I know this sort of thing happens to others. You know who you are, my fellow hookers.  Ms. K is a prime example.  We’ve been together and heard some things from dudes that is fucking ridiculous. I guess they think they’re complimenting us, or telling us about their “powers”, I don’t know. Maybe we have friendly faces or maybe its are boobies.  No, it’s our friendly faces.

It’s been explained to me that men who are into me, are men who have had many women. You see, because they have so much experience they know what they want in a women, physically and sexually, that is.  Again, I think these are compliments. At lease that’s how I’m going to take them. I  have a feeling that when they think them in their head, they just don’t realize what it will sound like when it comes out. Or maybe these lines have worked on chicks before.

It all goes back to “getting in my pants” something my dad warned me about when I was ten.  (I had all my “coming of age” talks early because I’m the youngest.  My sister is three years older than I, and my parents were really overworked and tired.  So killing two birds with one stone, or ruining two adolescents with one talk was preferred.)

not a hero, but she has my shirt onOkay, so maybe I dress like a slut.  Or have a face like a slut.  I’ve been told on three occasions, by three different men, well one teenager and two men, that I have “dick sucking lips.”  Okay, now that I’m writing this, I must look like a slut for guys to talk to me like that.  Maybe it’s the pumps, maybe it’s the tight skirts or the red lips.  Or maybe it’s the shirt that reads “I’m a slut and open for business.”  In any case, I’m in good company and I’d rather be a slut than a bore.

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’ll continue to put some bass in my walk.  Some of my heroes and fellow sluts…

blanche

eltongoggles

cinderella-pose

oprah

madonnaroselandgi4

 

queen-mum

rupaul-ho

julia-child-with-rolling-pins

 

259328cher-posters

koko-and-mr-rogers

In case you didn't know, this is Koko- the sign language gorilla- with Mr. Rogers. Both are my heroes.

wizarddorothy2

richard-simmons

LookBook- you’re too cool for me

I love the site http://lookbook.nu/ 

I can’t tell you how much time I waste at this site.  Well, that’s a lie.  Of course I can tell you, but I won’t because it will cast an unfavorable light on me.

At http://lookbook.nu/ they have photo after photo of hip, mod peeps striking a pose and giving good face. Another favorite place for me is at their forum page http://forum.lookbook.nu/.  When you have topics like:

Where do you wear your high heels?   -or

Shredded Tee-or

Guilty Pleasure  -or

5 obsucure people you should care about

Seriously, check it out.  Unfortunately you have to be invited to join…that is, to post pics. Looking is open to the public. Does anyone want to invite me?  I can’t apply for admission, because my torment associated with their rejection of me will lead to lots of cookies and cream ice cream.

Don’t be Jealous of My Boogie

This is what I’m listening to and watching today.  DWI (deal with it)

 

http://wow.wowtv.tv/episodes/rupaul-jealous-of-my-boogie

 

I’m totally into RuPaul and the drag world. I’m thinking I need to infiltrate this world, get in, get dirty, and become these hookers bitch. Think of all the things I’ll learn.

I’ve already started to pick up the lingo. You know, like “That slut is giving me shade.” and “This sno-cone makes my world go ’round.”

Oh, rainbows and unicorns.

These Queens make my world go ’round. Maybe this is how me and dad will connect. If fact, I think I’m going to plan a weekend around a drag show. He needs a Queen mentor, he’s flailing in the proverbial straight wind. He’s left to his own demise.  He has no help, no make-up tips, no witty one-liners. He needs some guidance.

Get ready to be jealous of my boogie.

js24n_priscilla_wideweb__470x2920