Baby Donkeys

While searching for an image of cotton candy, I stumbled across this baby donkey named Cotton Candy.

I was taken aback and my jaw dropped when I saw Cotton.  I never knew a baby donkey was so cute. For when you feel like sending me a gift, please make it a baby donkey.

Black or white, cream or grey.  It doesn’t matter to me. I’m colorblind.  Just buy me a mini donkey and I’ll love you forever. Cotton Candy (left) and Fifi (right) here, are from Flight of Fancy.

As I watch my dog,Charlie, play with a pile of towels, that’s really my cat, Trinity, attacking from underneath, I’m struck my how much Charlie looks like a donkey.  That’s more appropriate than the usual case of mistaken identity (“is he a wolf?”).

What do you think?

India is on the left, she’s the baby donkey. Charlie is the one on the right. He’s quietly guarding that amazing stick.

Thank you. You’re welcome. Bend over. Fuck off.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am irresistible to men of color and older white men. The Hispanic men love me, the Middle Eastern men love me, and the black  men love me.  Oh, I forgot hippies, they love me too. The older white dudes, like most white men, are hard to read.  Sometimes they stare, hard, from across the way.  Or they peek at me through a magazine or book.  I suppose, they’re being discreet.  Discretion is not at all what the other gentlemen practice. They are blatant and abruptly to their point. Which, in the end,  their point is a compliment, I think.  And, like the lady I am I accept graciously.

Today, such an abrupt moment happened.  I was waiting to board the bus when an older (50-60) black man approached me.  He said, “Thank you.”  Remember I have my ear buds in, so I removed them and replied, “What’s that?”  He repeated, “Thank you.”  I said, “For what?”  My suitor says, “For showing that figure off.”  The only thing to say was, “Thank you.”  Then he started in, it’s like they can’t contain their words.  He told me I was the kind of woman that makes a man cheat.  Again, your welcome and onto the bus I went.

This got me thinking about the other lines I’ve heard in the past. And I know this sort of thing happens to others. You know who you are, my fellow hookers.  Ms. K is a prime example.  We’ve been together and heard some things from dudes that is fucking ridiculous. I guess they think they’re complimenting us, or telling us about their “powers”, I don’t know. Maybe we have friendly faces or maybe its are boobies.  No, it’s our friendly faces.

It’s been explained to me that men who are into me, are men who have had many women. You see, because they have so much experience they know what they want in a women, physically and sexually, that is.  Again, I think these are compliments. At lease that’s how I’m going to take them. I  have a feeling that when they think them in their head, they just don’t realize what it will sound like when it comes out. Or maybe these lines have worked on chicks before.

It all goes back to “getting in my pants” something my dad warned me about when I was ten.  (I had all my “coming of age” talks early because I’m the youngest.  My sister is three years older than I, and my parents were really overworked and tired.  So killing two birds with one stone, or ruining two adolescents with one talk was preferred.)

not a hero, but she has my shirt onOkay, so maybe I dress like a slut.  Or have a face like a slut.  I’ve been told on three occasions, by three different men, well one teenager and two men, that I have “dick sucking lips.”  Okay, now that I’m writing this, I must look like a slut for guys to talk to me like that.  Maybe it’s the pumps, maybe it’s the tight skirts or the red lips.  Or maybe it’s the shirt that reads “I’m a slut and open for business.”  In any case, I’m in good company and I’d rather be a slut than a bore.

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’ll continue to put some bass in my walk.  Some of my heroes and fellow sluts…

blanche

eltongoggles

cinderella-pose

oprah

madonnaroselandgi4

 

queen-mum

rupaul-ho

julia-child-with-rolling-pins

 

259328cher-posters

koko-and-mr-rogers

In case you didn't know, this is Koko- the sign language gorilla- with Mr. Rogers. Both are my heroes.

wizarddorothy2

richard-simmons

“I HAVE A NICE ASS!”

I bought a new pencil skirt simple because it made someone elses ass look good.  I know.  Here’s the review:

From : Nora
Feb 13, 2009
FIVE STARS           
OMG! i bought this skirt for a school presentation in november, but i didn’t wear it until today at a science presentation. My measurements are 34-27-38, and i don’t really have hips, so the 38 is all butt. i bought a medium cuz the small was too much ass for school. Now, let me tell you how hot i felt! Guys who i had never talked to before were saying hi to me, dudes all over the room were checking me out, some boys in my class kept asking me to turn around! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! i will but more, in different colors! I HAVE A NICE ASS!
 

serve

 

I’m looking for hot.  We’ll see, the skirt should be here tomorrow.  If you’ve been moved, by Nora’s review, to purchase this skirt…head over to http://www.americanapparel.net

I love you hookers.

I want to be a skinny bitch—

I googled “skinny bitches tips”…I don’t want to buy the book.  Anyways…it only returned stupid shit like,

1. Cut down on your alcohol intake.

2. Cut down on your fast food intake.

3. Exercise regularly.

I’m not doing this shit. I want to starve, take pills, or do stupid stretch/breathing techniques like the hooker below (p.s. I’m starting this shit tonight!).  I need help with the correct way to starve, not proper eating habits.

HELP. 

Some of my ideas include eating grass (organic, of course), decoupaging my refrigerator with skinny bitches in bikinis, or having a strict cigarette and soda diet.

I’m going to go back to eating my oatmeal while I ponder my weekend of gluttony. (which, includes the consumption of half a buttermilk pie)

Ice cream sandwiches, Movies and Expectations

This weekend was uneventful.  My main objective was to work on my tan and that fell through, but I don’t think of myself as a failure. I did accomplish quite a bit for a steamy hot weekend in the south.  Saturday was busy with my sister, thrifting and movie watching. Sunday, I barely left my couch and I certainly didn’t leave my house. I did clean my house and do laundry (from start to finish!). I took a nap from 10AM-3PM and still managed to go to bed around midnight. I watched five movies over the entire weekend. Oh, and I paid two bills on time!   Oh yeah!!!

 

Jumper

 

Strange Wilderness

 

Semi-Pro (watched twice)

 

Balls of Fury

 

But by far my favorite pick of the weekend is Eagle versus Shark starring Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords

 

I didn’t follow my diet plan this weekend; I didn’t even look at the e-diets website.  I need to go grocery shopping if I plan to eat according to their plan, so that won’t happen for at least a week.  Over the weekend I ate queso, ice cream sandwiches (yup I said sandwiches, plural), and instant mash potatoes. But this is a new week and a new day and a new opportunity for success. I went to log on to e-diets to enter my progress, which was surprisingly 1lb thinner (1lb sexier, 1lb closer to my new super model career)!  Then they threw up an inspirational quote “to keep up my momentum.” 

 

 
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

-Thomas Jefferson
(btw, this is e-diets motivational pic, not mine)

 

 

 

I bet Thom was talking about weight loss; he struggled the same as I. This inspired me to change my plan off the Glycemic thing and on to a basic e-diet plan. I already love the new plan, because for lunch it says to have a Lean Cuisine beans and rice with salad and yogurt!  This sounds like a very satisfying lunch, but I’m planning on a chili dog for lunch! Okay, so tomorrow is a new day, or whatever. Tomorrow I plan to munch on Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice, Spanish style. I have very low expectations, very low.

 

I’ll leave you with some fun pics, compliments of http://www.funpic.hu/en.index.php.

I know this indicates otherwise, but I swear this is in Mesquite, TX.

 

   

My co-workers and me, carpooling to work.

 My co-workers and me on our way to work.

   WTF!  I’m scared.

 

 
Next post, I promise will be my dad’s favorite movies, of all time. He’s really putting a lot of thought into each movie selection.  He said, “I have to pick carefully, what if I’m stuck with these my whole life.”  I don’t even know what that means, so I can’t argue with it.