Ways I’m having fun. Who needs friends?

http://failblog.org  You know it, it passes the time.  I go back and forth between this one and LOL cats.

UgliestTattos.comScoping out some of the worst tattoos.  Why am I just now learning of this site?  Maybe because I don’t have any friends who share this shit with me.  What I like most are the tats that have been horribly translated from photo/drawing to body art.  But, there’s plenty on this site for all sorts.  So take a peak and start passing judgment on these sad and stupid people. http://ugliesttattoos.com/

loving memory

 

Reading quotes from the Golden Girls  :: 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088526/quotes  most of my favorite quotes are from Blanche.

Blanche: There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.
——
Blanche: Sophia, by placing this pearl necklace between my bosoms, does it make me look like I’m a sex-starved slut who is in need of a man to bed?
Sophia: Yes.
Blanche: Good, then pearl it is.

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Dorothy has a gambling problem and Rose might have AIDS

 

If you don’t know who these two people are, then get the fuck off my blog!  

You sluts know I love me some Golden Girls.

Last night’s re-runs were about Dorothy’s gambling problem and Rose’s AIDS scare. Two separate episodes, BTW.

Dorothy was stealing from her friends and lying to everyone to feed her horse racing addiction.  No fear, she re-joined Gamblers Anonymous and was back on the wagon of decent society and embraced by uppity women, once again.

Now, as for Rose. Rose was fretfully worried that she had contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion.  She was angry, in denial and emotionally abusive to her friends.  Finally, she agreed to get tested, but only if she could use an alias. In the event she had the AIDS she didn’t want to be ostracized from the community.  The testing facility agreed and she used the alias “Dorothy Zpornak” which was really funny in context because Dorothy was standing right next to her at check-in.  Anyways, long story short, Rose did not have the AIDS! 

Maybe you all remember when Rose had to fight her own addiction to pain pills.  She went rehab for 30 days and everything.  This is one of my fav scenes.  Jump to 2:05 for the lead in and 4:00 for Rose’s blow up.  She’s going through the withdrawals and looses it!  It’s not so much funny as it is real.

Thank you. You’re welcome. Bend over. Fuck off.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I am irresistible to men of color and older white men. The Hispanic men love me, the Middle Eastern men love me, and the black  men love me.  Oh, I forgot hippies, they love me too. The older white dudes, like most white men, are hard to read.  Sometimes they stare, hard, from across the way.  Or they peek at me through a magazine or book.  I suppose, they’re being discreet.  Discretion is not at all what the other gentlemen practice. They are blatant and abruptly to their point. Which, in the end,  their point is a compliment, I think.  And, like the lady I am I accept graciously.

Today, such an abrupt moment happened.  I was waiting to board the bus when an older (50-60) black man approached me.  He said, “Thank you.”  Remember I have my ear buds in, so I removed them and replied, “What’s that?”  He repeated, “Thank you.”  I said, “For what?”  My suitor says, “For showing that figure off.”  The only thing to say was, “Thank you.”  Then he started in, it’s like they can’t contain their words.  He told me I was the kind of woman that makes a man cheat.  Again, your welcome and onto the bus I went.

This got me thinking about the other lines I’ve heard in the past. And I know this sort of thing happens to others. You know who you are, my fellow hookers.  Ms. K is a prime example.  We’ve been together and heard some things from dudes that is fucking ridiculous. I guess they think they’re complimenting us, or telling us about their “powers”, I don’t know. Maybe we have friendly faces or maybe its are boobies.  No, it’s our friendly faces.

It’s been explained to me that men who are into me, are men who have had many women. You see, because they have so much experience they know what they want in a women, physically and sexually, that is.  Again, I think these are compliments. At lease that’s how I’m going to take them. I  have a feeling that when they think them in their head, they just don’t realize what it will sound like when it comes out. Or maybe these lines have worked on chicks before.

It all goes back to “getting in my pants” something my dad warned me about when I was ten.  (I had all my “coming of age” talks early because I’m the youngest.  My sister is three years older than I, and my parents were really overworked and tired.  So killing two birds with one stone, or ruining two adolescents with one talk was preferred.)

not a hero, but she has my shirt onOkay, so maybe I dress like a slut.  Or have a face like a slut.  I’ve been told on three occasions, by three different men, well one teenager and two men, that I have “dick sucking lips.”  Okay, now that I’m writing this, I must look like a slut for guys to talk to me like that.  Maybe it’s the pumps, maybe it’s the tight skirts or the red lips.  Or maybe it’s the shirt that reads “I’m a slut and open for business.”  In any case, I’m in good company and I’d rather be a slut than a bore.

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’ll continue to put some bass in my walk.  Some of my heroes and fellow sluts…

blanche

eltongoggles

cinderella-pose

oprah

madonnaroselandgi4

 

queen-mum

rupaul-ho

julia-child-with-rolling-pins

 

259328cher-posters

koko-and-mr-rogers

In case you didn't know, this is Koko- the sign language gorilla- with Mr. Rogers. Both are my heroes.

wizarddorothy2

richard-simmons

Bea, I love you.

If, in 50 years, some young person ask me where I was the day Bea Arthur died I would say, at GayBingo with my cross dressing dad.  It was kind of fitting.  As the news came in through text messages, the Queens honored Bea and lifted our spirits with song and dance. 

I was looking for things to commemorate the moment and found a Golden Girl necklace from etsy.com. Sad news hookers, the necklace sold out. 

gg-necklace

Other GG paraphernalia include GG playing cards, GG lapel pins, and GG pendants. All at www.etsy.com.

Here’s a clip of our friend, doing a parody of Sex in the City.  She’s with other lovely ladies… Mona from Who’s The Boss, Sally Struthers and Mrs. Garrett.