Why does this still happen?

Subject of an e-mail I received this morning:

“slap her silly with your huge schlong”

Do guys really want to slap us with their dicks?  Does this advertising work? It must. Scary.

The body of the e-mail, it’s even worse.  I have to say, it is catchy.

Women say: size matters

According to a recent psychology journal:

86% of babes claim they wouldn’t consider dating a ‘small’ male

94% of sluts say their boyfriend’s girth is critical to reaching pleasure

Why disappoint babes?  Boost your size and enjoy the confidence
to pick up sluts and make them moan between the sheets.

PotenCX is guaranteed to increase your tool by at least 2.7 inches in 21 days. 

I’ll send your initial bottle absolutely free-of-charge as a trial.

p.s. while I was searching for an appropriate pic, I came across a lot of penis pics.  Can we all agree that shaving the balls is not cute.  Who likes this?  I really don’t think girls, aka sluts, like shaved balls. Maybe guys like it, gay and straight, but guys need to shave according to their audience.  Dudes, no more razors near the balls. I’m also going to throw out a hypotheses: Men who shave their balls spend more time with porn than with face-to-face action.

Here’s the look I would give those shaved balls.

princelateforworkyeah

I also found these horrible renderings of lady parts.  What’s up with this pacman style pussy?

  

Can’t we all just stop with the incessant pubic hair removal. Don’t get me wrong, I did the “landing strip”, the “diamond”, the “butterfly”, the “half target”, the “devil’s beard.” It had its place, but enough.  Sure, it can be fun and something to do when you’re bored.  But as maintainance, it’s ridiculous. And, if you’re a porn star or stripper, you must shave. It’s part of your job. 

For the rest of us, let’s try a natural or trimmed pub region and see what happens. Will Jesus condemn us to hell? Perhaps.  Let’s get vintage. Let’s get crazy.

GBF or BF. Have you had your fix?

Most modern women understand, desire, and often time envy the GBF or BF.  That is, the Gay Best Friend or Best Fag. Today, I ponder this phenomenon.

For those who enjoy a BF and give into its powerful drug, fall into two categories. If your BF’s a twink you’re a beard.  If your BF’s a bear, Levi, or leather you’re a Goldie-locks (sp?). In my ideal, I would have a bear.  Well, unless you’re Dan Savage.  I’ll be your beard, Dan. I am your beard.

Anyways, what is it about the BF/Beard or BF/GL relationship that is so effortless for both involved.  I have a theory. (don’t worry, I’m not becoming a scientist, sluts.)

For the girls, we are transported to  place and time where snobby, bitchy, slutty and hilarious are acceptable personlities and everything you strive to be. A place where judgment is in the way you greet someone.

 “Hey. What’s happening here? What’s going on? Why are you wearing that ridiculous cardigan?”

A place where you play “dress-up” and “music video” or “dance party.”  A place where you can binge drink and eat for no good reason and never lose you’re figure (because you’re also smoking and starving yourself for weeks in between). A place where your best friend comes over to drink, bitch about people, watch tv and then pass out, not to awake until the next morning.  At which time you will eat donuts or sausage cheese biscuits and then pass out.

I don’t know what’s in it for the BF, but I suspect it’s an exact copy of the girl list. Except for one addition. A place where you don’t have to pretend you get bonners for girls.

And where is this place? Are you eager to move in? This place is where I suspect all the popular kids were in 7th and 8th grade. I was not in the group. I was an outsider. For me these two years were fucking horrible. Life changing, to say the least.

But, for the popular kids, I imagine  their average day full of drama (of their own making and control), full of bitchiness, full of posturing and definitely full of fun. Is this place many of us never experienced.  And at some point, likely around 19-22 for girls, they grown out of this phase (men never grow out of this phase- straight or gay). Society now frowns upon us for such behavior, ladies.  We’re either forced to give these behaviors up (lazy sluts) or we’re forced to move it all underground and share with a choice few (fun sluts).

That leaves the fun sluts (men and women- most men, straight or gay, are fun sluts) to find each other.  Hopefully you will find a fun slut at one point in your life. Lucky for me, I’ve met many a fun slut.  Some have been closeted or just shy, but who isn’t at some point. No matter , we  have a blast.

That’s all.  Have a blast, sluts.