You know you’re fat…

when you worry that your office stash of Tums tablets is getting low.

I only have 2 left!


FAT COW alert…she’s back

fat_cowYesterday, my inner fat cow became my outer fat cow. It started like any other day.  Lunchtime rolled around and I consulted with Ms. K on our lunch plans.  We wisely chose the PBJ option. 

We made the PBJs, we ate the PBJs, and then we sat. 

Unsatisfied, as expected.

A few moments later we (Ms. K, Ms. Al and I) decided that a run to Taco Bell was in order and realistic within our time constraints (45 mins).  We rushed to the closest TB and ate — inhaled — enormous portions of shit.

The only good thing to report is that the double stuffed grilled steak burrito is disgusting.  It’s also expensive by TB standards.  And it’s huge.


I hope for a better day today…one day at a time.

One portion of food, total cost

One portion of food, total cost $4.98.

Oh, I forgot the best part.  Because the power went out last night, and because I can’t sleep when it’s quiet, because I’m nosey and wanted to see what was happening in the neighborhood and because I’m a FAT COW… I got out last night and went to Waffle House. 
Gross, I wish I was bulimic.
What I should have done last night. and tonight. and tomorrow.

What I should have done last night. and tonight. and tomorrow. an the day after that, and after that, and after that...

Gotta see this…more videos

These aren’t the greatest, but they’ll pass some time and hopefully pick you up from that gloomy depressive state you’ve been in all day.

Dance Dance Revolution prodigy, 5yr old kicks some Dance Dance ass.

Fat kid bustin his fat ass to Dance Dance…funny twist at the end

Fat kid falls.  DON’T watch if  your memories of high school or junior high make your violent tendencies return.  Kids are so fucking cruel.

Okay video- I like it because it reminds me of something I did as a kid.  Thank God there wasn’t YouTube when I was younger.

Girl dancing- again reminds me of me, not as funny as Cubby’s version of Beyonce. But, take note of the lights turning on and off…she’s doing that at the wall.  Genius.

She really gives the light switch a workout in this video.  I hope this is the one Ms. A was referencing a few weeks ago.  What must this girls parents think.  She’s going to regret these some day.



This morning I gorged on 2 dozen donut holes. 

What was I thinking!!!  2 dozen, that’s 24 little round nibbles. Why?  because I have a few minutes to kill while waiting on the bus. I stuffed these bite size bits of fatty sugar into my mouth one-by-one. I washed them down with Mountain Dew. 

If Richard Simmons was around he would have shrieked and probably stabbed himself. I have felt terrible all day, about eating 2 dozen donut holes. Not physically bad, but emotionally and mentally bad.  I felt like shit while I was eating them, too.  Every time I popped one in my mouth I thought people on the bus were judging me.  Thinking to themselves, “how does she continue to shove those down her throat.”  People where no doubt asking, “is that a never-ending bag of donut holes?” and “Where does one buy something so wonderful?”

Then I started to think about the caloric impact on my bodacious bod.  Check it, here’s the math…

  24 donut holes
x52 calories, per hole
1,248 calories  (add my Mountain Dew, the total is 1,398)

1,398!!! that’s my total daily calorie allowance.  I’m a fat cow! 

Sweet on Nov 11, 2008

Sweet on Nov 11, 2008

 I need Richard to sweat into the oldies with me.  Have you ever watched these videos?  After the workout the whole gang dances through a Soul Train line. When they reach the end of the line and they’re standing in front of the camera they give a cheesy smile or a head bob and we see how much weight they lost.  It’s usually 50-200 pounds.  Some people wear  legwarmers or a fun sweat band and some people have on regular clothes.  You know, because regular people loose weight.  Lucky for you all I found a video on You Tube of this fun dance off!!!  It’s wonderful!